How to Build Your Support Network Before Baby Arrives
Most pregnancy tips are focused on helping you to get through carrying and delivering your baby. We put so much emphasis on pregnancy support and having the perfect birth support team, and for good reason! But what about preparing for baby’s arrival? As a postpartum doula and lactation counselor, I work with new moms every day who feel like there is so much emphasis on prenatal care support, yet they feel alone during postpartum.
Building a postpartum support system is one of the most important things you can do during pregnancy to prepare yourself for a smooth postpartum transition. The truth is, we weren’t meant to be raising our babies alone. Babies are tiny, but they are a huge amount of work. Having a village is the ultimate resource for new parents. Being part of a community can be the best thing for your baby, and it will help you to feel like your best postpartum self. So, today I’m going to share with you a step-by-step guide on how to prepare a strong village for postpartum.
in this blog post
What a postpartum support network is
The benefits of having a village after giving birth
Key people in your postpartum support network
How to prepare your postpartum support network during pregnancy
What is a postpartum support network?
A postpartum support network is made up of all the people in your life who can provide educational, emotional, and practical assistance after you give birth. Having a strong postpartum support network means you know where to turn for help when navigating the challenges of early parenthood. A postpartum support network helps to build your confidence and peace of mind.
Why is a strong postpartum support network important?
There are many benefits of a strong support network during postpartum. Benefits of preparing your support network during pregnancy include:
Emotional wellbeing
As much as postpartum is a period of physical recovery, it is also a period of mental and emotional transitions. Research has linked social support to postpartum mental health. Not only does social support decrease the likelihood of new moms experiencing postpartum depression and anxiety, but it can also help mothers to bond with their baby!
Practical help
I work with moms every day who say they don’t have enough time to even eat, yet alone cook a meal, take a shower, or sometimes even brush their teeth. You know what these new moms have in common? They are doing it alone. There’s no one there with them to hold the baby while they go to the toilet, or to fill their water bottles when they’re stuck on the couch breastfeeding. From small tasks like helping to arrange breastfeeding pillows, to bigger errands like grocery shopping, having a support network you can rely on will help you to feel taken care of when you need assistance with daily tasks and preparations. In my opinion, the best part about having practical support is that it gives you time to bond with your baby and get the rest you need for your postpartum recovery.
physical & mental health
Your OBGYN or midwife can be a super helpful part of your postpartum support system by regularly checking in on your physical and mental health. Not only are they monitoring to ensure you’re okay, but they’ll also help you to build your postpartum support network by referring you to other professionals who can promote your postpartum wellbeing.
Preparedness for Birth
Think of your postpartum preparation as a form of self-care during pregnancy. It can help you to feel calmer in the weeks before giving birth when you know you’ve planned ahead for postpartum. You can rest assured knowing that, no matter what your birth is like, you have all the support you’ll need to have a smooth postpartum experience.
Top 5 people to include in your postpartum support team
Partner/spouse
For many new moms, partners or spouses are their primary source of emotional and physical support during the postpartum period. In the intake questionnaires completed by my postpartum doula and lactation counseling clients, I ask who their main sources of support are. I would say about 75% of the time, the response is ‘my husband’ - and that’s it. Just one person to rely on. Don’t get me wrong, partners are an amazing source of support. But partners are also adjusting to life with a new baby. They are likely going to be feeling tired and in need of nourishment too. A situation where you’re both too exhausted to cook a meal or care for baby is a burnout situation. Your partner may also need emotional support - and you might not always be the best person, or in the best position, to provide that support. You both need support from your village.
Family and friends
Family and friends can play a huge role in your support system. They are often the people new parents turn to for practical help. Friends and family who have experienced parenthood can also be a wealth of knowledge. Most importantly, your friends and family are the people who love you most and want to help you thrive as a new parent. Sometimes new parents have reasons that they would prefer not to have family and friends around during the postpartum period. Often these concerns are totally valid. In this situation, balance is essential to ensure that you aren’t isolated from support but are able to have the space you need or want. Whether you want family and friends around or not, communicating your boundaries is key to ensuring their help is supportive of your postpartum health and happiness.
Healthcare providers: OBGYN/midwife
Whether you see and OBGYN or midwife, your healthcare providers will continue to support you beyond birth and into postpartum. They’ll focus on your physical health to monitor your healing, and they’re also likely to be paying attention to your mental health. They can also be instrumental in referring you to other professionals, like a physiotherapist, psychotherapist, or lactation specialist.
Postpartum doula
A postpartum doula supports you through the start of your motherhood journey by caring for your holistic wellbeing. This comprehensive approach includes education about newborn care and postpartum wellness, emotional support, and practical assistance. From grocery shopping to debriefing your birth story, a postpartum doula’s goal is to help you recover from birth, bond with your baby, and experience more calm & confidence as you adjust to life with your new baby.
Community resources
If you’re looking for a more structured way to form connections with other new parents, groups and classes in your community can be a great place to start! For example, you could meet other expecting parents at prenatal classes - and then maintain that connection so you can meet up once your babies arrive! Groups and classes in your area are also a great way to meet birth and postpartum professionals who can offer specialist information. Don’t forget other community resources like postpartum meal prep services, or even the teenager living down the road who could walk your dog for a little bit of cash.
Step-by-step guide to building your postpartum support network
I want to make it easy for you to build your postpartum support network, so here’s a step-by-step guide. I’d say to definitely begin preparing your support team by the start of your third trimester (or even earlier!) so you can plan ahead and have time to fill any gaps in your support network.
Steps to building your village before giving birth
Include postpartum support in your birth plan
Before you even start thinking about the practicalities of life after leaving the hospital, think about what kind of postpartum support you’ll need to include in your birth plan. For example, what food will you eat in the hospital? Do you need someone to bring it to you? Who will support your infant feeding journey? Does your hospital have lactation specialists in case you experience breastfeeding challenges, or do you need to have the contact details prepared for a lactation professional that is not affiliated with the hospital? Or, if you are planning for a homebirth, you might consider what kind of support is offered by your doula or midwife in the hours immediately after birth.
Schedule appointments
Depending how far away you are from your due date, it might not always be possible to schedule appointments far in advance. But you might get in touch with the professionals you hope will support you during postpartum to learn what they offer and in what timeframe you can expect to see them. For example, does your OBGYN or midwife have a typical schedule for check-ups? Many offer 6 week postpartum checkups, but does your’s also do a 1 week checkup? What can you expect in terms of care beyond 6 weeks? When does your baby’s paediatrician usually see newborns after birth?
If there are other professionals on your postpartum support team, like a physiotherapist or psychotherapist, when do they suggest you see them? Also think about when to schedule home support like childcare or cleaning. If you’re considering hiring a postpartum doula, they typically offer packages that either give you a set number of home visits each week, or otherwise a set number of home visits that you can allow book as needed. Some postpartum doulas offer ad-hoc home visits. What does your postpartum doula offer? Does their schedule need to be agreed upon in advance, or are they flexible to see what your needs are after giving birth?
create your Personal support group
The best new mom advice I can give is to ask for help as often as you can - but we can often feel awkward asking for it. When I was pregnant, I was very lucky to have friends and family, and even acquaintances, who offered to help me in any way they could. Yet on the days when I needed help, I couldn’t think of who to ask - or, I would feel bad asking. I didn’t want them to feel pressured to say yes, and I didn’t want them to feel bad if they had to say no.
What I wish I had done was put anyone who offered to help into a group chat. Whenever anyone said “let me know if you need any help!” I would have just popped them into this group chat. Then, when I actually needed help, I could ask this whole group of people. This relieves the guilt around asking for help, so you’re more likely to actually seek support when you need it.
set up a Meal train
One of the biggest sources of stress for families with babies is cooking. There simply isn’t time! Yet eating enough is essential for a nourishing and rejuvenating postpartum. Meal trains ensure you always have food in the house. Meal trains work by assigning everyone in your meal train a day (or days) to bring you food, usually dinner. I could (and will!) make a whole blog post just about how to organize a meal train, but the best way to organize a meal train is to assign one person to be your ‘organizer’. You can provide them with a list of people who might want to contribute (like your personal support group!) Then once you’ve given birth, the organizer gets everyone into a schedule so you can have home cooked meals delivered right to your door! Practical postpartum support at its finest.
look for Mom and baby groups
Groups and classes are an amazing (and often free!) way for new parents to build their community. From support groups to play groups, mom and baby groups offer the opportunity to make friends with other new parents. Learn about what groups are available in your area before you give birth, so you know what support is there for you once baby arrives. Many groups welcome pregnant people to join so you can start building your support network before giving birth. For example, I co-host a weekly breastfeeding support group in Cayman, and we regularly have pregnant women join us. It’s a great way to learn and start building connections with other new moms and postpartum support professionals!
BONUS: Another option is virtual communities. The advantage of virtual support groups is that you can get support from people with similar circumstances. For example, there are Facebook groups for families who cosleep, or practice natural term weaning. You could also join a group with other moms in your area so you can meet people to get together with IRL!
Create a schedule
Although in the first few weeks after giving birth you might not want too many visitors, eventually many new moms find that having some company can help to give some structure to the days and and improves their mental health. I love the idea of having a schedule of people coming to visit on specific days of the week. For example, someone you know will come to visit every Monday afternoon. This can help to prevent burnout from your supporters, and establishes a routine of ongoing postpartum support so you aren’t left on your own once everyone else assumes you are “back to normal”.
Deciding on this schedule before giving birth means you’ll know what kind of support you can rely on. It’s also a great way to uphold your boundaries around visitors in the early weeks. When baby is first born, many moms find they just want to hold and care for their own baby. There isn’t a lot of time for others to cuddle your baby when you are spending that time practicing skin-to-skin and establishing breastfeeding. If you have friends or family who feel left out in those early weeks, they may find it reassuring to know that down the line they will have regular playdates with you and your baby (once you are ready!)
Talking about playdates, you might also consider reaching out to other moms who are giving birth around the same time as you and ask if they’d eventually like to set a day/time for regular play dates. You might need to be flexible (espeically when you’re dealing with two nap schedules!) but it can be nice to know you’ve got that foundation set up. Playdates are a great way to grow your sense (and your baby’s sense) of being part of a wider village of other mothers who are going through the same things as you.
Maintain and grow your support system during postpartum
By laying a foundation for postpartum support during pregnancy, then you’ll only need to maintain and continue to grow your community once baby arrives. Ultimately, postpartum support will help you to have an easier adjustment to life with a newborn. From practical help that gives you time to catch up on sleep and heal from birth, to emotional support that enhances bonding with your new baby, postpartum support is a critical aspect of preparing for a postpartum experience where you’ll feel calm, confident and cared for - all the ingredients for postpartum bliss.
Who is in your postpartum support team? Send me a DM on Instagram so we can chat more!
With warmth and wellness,
Ceridwen
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ceridwen is a postpartum doula and lactation counsellor based in the Cayman Islands. She offers personalised, evidence-based information to help pregnant families prepare for their baby’s arrival. After birth, she helps postpartum families to feel calm, confident, and cared for, with a focus on lactation and mental health.
Learn more about Ceridwen here.
